A much needed rant. Oh and Facebook Sucks.

OH MY GOSH. Can I just tell you all how annoying Facebook is these days??? Seriously, if you're a Christian, why use it? Actually, to be honest I was posting on it everyday for the past few years and just recently I have been convicted that it's not the best thing in the whole world for Christians. So...I have been posting pictures, and writing an occasional post to let people know I am still alive. However, my son's birthday party is coming and I decided to use FB for inviting people. BIG mistake. I am so annoyed, so irritated, so angry, that I haven't slept well in two nights. Okay, that part isn't true, but just thinking about this whole thing makes me so mad still. Relationships are wonderful things, but FB is not the place for them. People say things that are taken the wrong way, people make jokes that are taken the wrong way or not funny, people get angry and virtually I am just sick of it. (Blogger is the place I can say stuff without offending people because it's my own blog)!!! Everyone who knows me thinks that I am just quiet, meek, and passive. Well, yes, most of the time I am. But when I get upset, I don't get over it that quickly depending on what the offense against me was. Something like fighting and or making jokes on an invitation on FB for my son's b-day party absolutely doesn't sit well with me. Honestly, COME ON!!!!!!!


 Oh, and FACEBOOK SUCKS!!!!!

Summer Lovin' Had Us a Blast!

So our summer has been full of trips to the park, swimming, parties, and just plain fun! 

The kids are getting old enough now to have lots of activities to do and places to be. And, although it can get busy at times, I do enjoy experiencing everything with my sweet ones!

Buddy shows interest in anything that is big, loud, and goes" vroooom!"

Exploring butterflies at the county fair!

Our baby's first swing ride. I think he loved it!

Hallie enjoying a cupcake at our church picnic!

Buddy with his marshmallow on a stick!

 I wouldn't have these darling children without my "awesome" pilot....

All summer Nathan has been working toward his commercial license.

He's kinda sexy next to one ;)

And because I have been doing the Insanity workout and am now past my pre-pregnancy weight by 1 lb...(yay)!!!!

Still have a few more lbs to go, but I'm getting there!

Just a bit of fun:)

We've had such a great summer and now we're just looking forward to our vacation to California in a week! It will be our last Hurrah! before summer ends for us and our little girl starts pre-school! Aaaah!!!! 

On Christianity...

I woke up at 4 this morning and still haven't fallen back to sleep. I am exhausted, but so many thoughts are going through my mind so what better way to get them out but blog! So here I am with my favorite cup of Moroccan mint tea and my favorite throw on my favorite chair doing my favorite thing-writing:)The bonus is, it's early so the kids aren't awake to interrupt me!
Last night, Nathan and I had what I like to call a spirit-led discussion. It was one of those discussions that just leave you thinking and thinking. Ever since we've been married, both of us have had our ups and downs with God and Christianity. Neither of us were really traveling the straight and narrow when we exchanged vows, and now almost four years later, we're back on the path, but not without a few bumps and twists and turns. It was easy for me to continue a relationship with God where I left off pretty much, but it's been a lot harder for Nathan and for awhile I was even questioning if he was, in fact, saved. It's not my place to say whether he is or isn't or to judge him, but I had so many pent up feelings about whether he was or wasn't. Some fights were based around this topic, and I see how I was in the wrong to even question him. That is between him and God. So last night before bed, the Holy Spirit led us into another discussion about what religion and Christianity really mean. What does it mean to be a Christian?? I think that's an age old question that comes with differing opinions, views, and theories. Nathan and I both grew up pretty sheltered and in similarly-run households. However, after my dad passed away and I went through a hell of a summer, I met Jesus for the first (real) time. I was 17 and decided to give my heart and everything to Him. Thankfully my mom and step-dad were excellent examples of what being a Christian is, which, I believe is having a relationship with the Lord. (Simply put). Of course that leads to, what does having a relationship with Him look like? Is it going to church every week, reading your Bible everyday, praying continually? While all these things are nice and good, I don't think that's what it is. To me, it's having an on-going relationship with Him whether you do those things or not. To be sure, doing those things will keep the relationship stronger (and keep you fed) and that is so important, but so many times Christians turn these things into good works you do so God will be pleased with you, or sometimes even chores. Being a Christian is having a healthy relationship with your Father, the God who created you to do just that. So what does a "healthy" relationship look like? Imagine your closest friend or parent, or anyone you can go to about anything no matter what it is. For me, that is my mom. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can talk to her about everything-good, bad, and ugly. She is always there for me to support me, give me advice, listen to me, love me, hug me, cry with me, and laugh with me whenever I go to her. I trust her completely because I know she loves me through and through. Our relationship is one that few have with their own mothers (or fathers) but having this, I am able to see how God wants a connection with me just like that. And that, is what Christianity is all about. I think for me it's been easier of a road to get back on because I have that earthly relationship. Nathan struggles, and I have to just be here to support him, but thank God that he is still desiring to have a relationship with Him. Our discussion last night definitely was an eye opener and a reminder to me that even if we fail God, or feel like we can't go to Him because of our past, our sins, our mistakes, He desires above anything else to connect with us beyond church and beyond our own misconceptions of who He really is.
So Nathan and I continue our journey together-often times at different speeds, but I know we're both going the same way and that means the world to me. :D

Happy Birthday Hallie!

Three years ago, my heart was stolen by a precious little girl that arrived into this world five weeks early. Although she was premature, our Hallah Anne weighed a whopping 6lbs 11oz and was perfectly healthy:) Some of the events surrounding her birth weren't the best and I was wondering why I was having a child when my own life was a mess. I was scared, I felt alone, and my marriage was on the rocks. When I looked into her beautiful chunky face, I knew that my life had to get better for her.
I couldn't believe how perfect she was. She was an absolute doll (and still is)! She has taught me to love unconditionally and she's kept me practicing my patience. Three years and our little family has come a long way. By the grace of God, we are a happy family (with ups and downs of course), and our Hallie is growing into an amazing, sweet, compassionate girl. I can't begin to describe how in love with her I am!

Our Hallah:)











Happy 3rd Birthday baby girl!! I love you so much and are praying that you grow into a strong, independent, godly woman someday!

Love Always, mama

Advent Calendar! It's That Time of the Year!

This year, I decided to make an Advent Calendar! It turned out quite nice I think and I am excited to fill it with goodies and introduce Hallah and Nathaniel to this great tradition:) My family does it every year, and I love that we can pass this tradition on!

Now that it's made, I have finally gotten a list of scriptures, and some great, fun ideas to put in the boxes. A lot of people have been asking what to put in the boxes and so here's a list of scriptures and ideas that I wanted to share:)

Day 1: Isaiah 7:14
Day 2: Isaiah 9:6-7
Day 3: Isaiah 32:1
Day 4: Isaiah 40:30
Day 5: Isaiah 42:6
Day 6: Isaiah 52:7
Day 7: Malachi 3:1
Day 8: Luke 1:67-75
Day 9: Luke 1:26-38

Day 10: Luke 1:39-45
Day 11: Luke 1:46-55
Day 12: Matthew 1:18
Day 13: Matthew 1:19
Day 14: Matthew 1:22-24
Day 15: Luke 2:1-6
Day 16: Luke 2:7
Day 17: Luke 2:8-14
Day 18: Luke 2:15-20
Day 19: Luke 2:21
Day 20: Luke 2:22-32
Day 21: Luke 2:33-35
Day 22: Matthew 2:1-6
Day 23: Matthew 2:7-12
Day 24: 2 Corinthians 9:15 (we're going to have Hallah eventually memorize this one)
Day 25: Matthew 2:13-15

Activities/Crafts:
Make a puzzle wreath, decorate Christmas cookies, make a gingerbread house, family night out with dinner and Christmas shopping, play Christmas charades, bake a birthday cake for Jesus, drive (or walk) around neighborhood to look at Christmas lights, watch a favorite Christmas movie, make homemade hot chocolate, string popcorn, make homemade Christmas cards, give blankets, etc. to a homeless shelter, volunteer in a soup kitchen, visit the elderly in a nursing home, go Christmas caroling, call up a relative you haven't talked to in a long time and wish them Merry Christmas, go see a Christmas movie in the theater, go to a Christmas play/ballet.

Along with some of these ideas, I will be putting some small candies in some of the boxes as well to make it extra special:)

Well there you go!! Hope you enjoyed this blog!

My Bag of Memories

I haven't blogged in too long. I guess there's no particular reason why, except that I haven't had much inspiration lately. However, that changed today as I was digging through my closet getting rid of old clothes. So you could say my closet has given me inspiration! How, you wonder?
Well you see, buried in my closet is a gift bag. I know it sounds strange, but I've had this bag for ten years. Most of the time I forget it's there, and don't even think about it, but it turns up when I'm digging through my closet. Like today. And then, I remember. I remember many things that this particular bag has a way of bringing up. In this bag I keep old letters and pictures from years and years and years ago; some from old friends, and a few from my dad who passed away twelve years ago. I can't help but read them every time, and usually I will sit and cry for an hour while going through everything. But today was different. As I was remembering the past, I couldn't help but think about today. What my life is now and how everyone in my past, whether still in my life or not, God used in some way to put me where I am today.
When I was a little girl, I absolutely loved animals. I was so in love with animals, and had a very soft spot in my heart for them. My dad didn't share the same love that I had with them, and I remember writing him a letter telling him that he was cruel for not letting me keep some abandoned kitten. I didn't understand why he was like that. He wrote a letter back to me that, after fifteen years or so, and me having kids and getting married, I truly understand now, and I appreciate what he was trying to get across to me at that young age. He said that he liked animals, but he loved his fellow human beings more, and so many people, if they see a hurt or abandoned animal, will go out of their way to comfort and feed it, and take it in. But those same people, upon seeing someone who is down on their luck or homeless, will take no thought or action in helping that person. I didn't understand when he wrote that so many years ago, but today, my passion is serving the less fortunate and showing compassion to the underdog and the weak. Little did I think that his words would have such a huge impact on me, and now, although I had some bitterness in my heart toward him, I can see that he was a compassionate man (in his own way)...and he wanted me to share that compassion with others and not just a cute, cuddly kitten.
When I was sixteen, I met and fell in love with a boy. He was my first love, and we wrote so many letters back and forth to each other. I didn't keep them all, but I did keep a few and they are some that are kept in my gift bag. Today, I laughed to myself while reading a couple of them, because at sixteen, you are so young and naive, yet you don't think so. I thought the future was ours. We were talking about getting married after high school, having a family together, and never letting each other go. How different life turns out. I keep a picture of us from our Sadie Hawkins and a couple from our winter formal, and I sigh when I look at them just because if I could stay young and naive like that forever, I would now. I think about Hallah and, even though she is only two years old right now, I want to be able to teach her to guard her heart closely, to live life to the fullest, and if she does fall in love with a boy at sixteen, to realize that years change things and people don't stay the same. I don't regret being young and having a boyfriend, and I look back at that time with happiness. I learned so much from him, but thankfully my mom was always there to keep my head (and heart) on right so I wouldn't get myself in too deep although I sometimes did anyway. I will be able to share my experiences with Hallah when she gets there, and hopefully she will be able to learn from my past.
Fast forward to six years ago. I met another boy and this one broke my heart. The letters I kept to remind me that good does come from bad situations. We were two young adults with differing moral values. On again, off again love-hate relationship I guess you could say. I knew who I was, he didn't. I was so sure about life, and he was so unsure. It was a match not made in heaven for sure. But, I gave him my heart. In the end, it didn't work out, but something else did. If not for him, Nathan would never have called me, and we would have never fallen in love. I wouldn't experience some of the joys that my husband has given me, or some of the mistakes that have made me appreciate life and him so much more. When we have our rough times, I try to remember the days we were talking on the phone and I realized that he was my other half. After getting my heart broken, he was an angel to me. So, I read those letters today and half smiled because I am now living in the bigger picture.
Nope, there were no tears today. My life is what it is, and I am enjoying it. Yeah, marriage gets hard and we have to work at it. Yeah, it still hurts sometimes that I'm not able to talk to my dad and have some closure with him. Sometimes I do want to go back to being young and innocent, but there are more times now, that I stop for a second amidst the screaming baby, my crazy two year old, the obnoxious dogs, and my needy husband, and I think, this is my life now and I really do like it.
People change, time moves on, but I still get to remember some good, some bad, but all the memories that have brought me here to this life that I now live. And I can still smile after it all.

Soulful Soul Searching

Some things are meant to be understood, but there's some things that aren't. And then there are those things that take time to understand, but if you're patient, they reveal the truth and the whole picture. I guess I am going through a time in which I need to be patient to see the whole picture in order to understand the dynamics of the situation.
In the past week, I've been thinking a lot about myself. Kind of digging deep and really searching my heart. I want to know who I really am on the inside and the kind of person I portray to others. I know who I want to be, and in time I am sure I will reach that. Right now, I am a bit short of that goal. It's been too easy for me to look at my faults and see what's wrong with me. The reality is, it's difficult for me to see the potential I have and focus on that. If there was ever anyone critical of herself, it's me. I don't have enough faith in myself to make the potential part of me actually happen, or I focus on others and see the capacity they have and help them along to reach their full potential when, what I really need to do is focus on my own self.
Some have said that I am too nice or that I let others use me too much or that I don't stand up for myself. All of which are in part, true. I suppose there's a such thing as being "too nice", and I know people do use me (and I let them), and, the truth is, I'm too nice and shy to truly stand up for what I want. So I guess this soul-searching has brought about the age old question: Why am I like this? When did I become someone who no longer believes in herself or the capability that God has put within me? When did I lose sight of who I truly am on the inside?
I often think about the relationships I have with my close friends and family. I know what others and myself say about them, but I can't help but wonder what they say about me. Who do they say I am? Is it who I think I am? Those questions pale in comparison to what I should be asking: Who does God say I am?
I believe He has given me a compassionate, sympathetic heart for a reason other than to let others use it and then trample on it. I know He has made me this way for a purpose, and right now the God-given potential lies dormant somewhere, waiting to be revealed and used properly. I want to be a different person; I want to be a wife that my husband is proud of, and a mother that my children can look up to. I believe the way to reach that, is to unveil my true identity and focus on the God-given gifts that have been hidden away for far too long. And also, to be more assertive. I guess this is going to be quite the journey, but thankfully for me, I have a husband who is by my side to encourage me, and I have children that inspire me to want to be better for them, but mostly I have a God who will never leave me or forsake me. And that's all I need to succeed.
In time, the picture will reveal itself and I will truly understand all of the struggles I had to endure, all the steps that had to be taken in order to get to where I need to be.

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
--Howard Thurman

It's a new me...(after 6 months)!

About four months ago, I began feeling a pain in my right side after eating a big or greasy meal. I went to the doctor and he immediately said it was my gallbladder which was what I expected. (I had done research myself). He basically told me that my only option was to have it removed. Well, I wasn't about to resort to having a part of me taken out if I could help it so I decided to switch up my diet. I watched everything I ate and was doing really well until about a month ago when the pain never went away one day. I ate the right foods, I didn't eat too much, but it was still there. So I tried not eating. That didn't work either, so I resorted to living with the pain day to day. I felt like a failure with my children because I never had the energy or strength to take care of them like I should have, and everyday my husband came home to a very angry wife which strained our marriage quite a bit. I began to resent my life and my body, which wasn't what I wanted. For quite some time, I had been suspecting that the pain in my gallbladder had been triggered by the IUD I had gotten about six weeks after Nathaniel was born. I talked to my doctor about it and he said it was highly unlikely but not impossible but that I should wait until after I had it in for six months before deciding to have it removed. About a month after having it in, I also noticed my hair was starting to come out a ton. I knew I had just had a baby and that hair often falls out after, but before I had gotten the IUD it wasn't falling out as much. I talked to my doctor about this also and he said it wasn't from the birth control. I wasn't convinced. I started noticing a lot of strange things that I had never experienced before such as my spinal cord would start aching after standing up for so long, and I began getting a strange tingling numbing sensation in my left shoulder and sometimes it would travel down my back. I started thinking that something is seriously wrong with me. I didn't know what to do, but Nathan and I both agreed that I needed to have the IUD removed. It was getting to the point where I just couldn't function properly without being on a ton of ibuprofen every four hours. I needed my life back!! I finally got it removed and almost immediately afterward, I felt a change. The pain in my back disappeared, the numbing sensation began to leave, and the next day my side didn't hurt at all. No matter what I ate. YAY!!!! Also, my hair has stopped coming out a ton, now it's just normal, and I can function and do things I wasn't able to do the past six months. I am so ecstatic! It's like I have a new lease on life, and I will never again go back to having synthetic hormones placed in my body. Although now there will be a slight larger chance of us getting pregnant. I would rather be pregnant though, then go through what I went through! Anyways, I'm myself again and couldn't be happier. I am still going to watch what I eat now that I know for sure I do have problems with my gallbladder, but at least I won't have to have it removed for now:)

Three years and counting...

Nathan and I celebrated our three year anniversary this past month and we were blessed by his family with a one night get-away to the beach! We are both crazy about the ocean so we were both so excited to get away even if it was for just one night. I wouldn't have wanted to leave Nathaniel more than that anyways:) We really needed a time of reflection and looking back on the past few years without being distracted by kids or phone calls or demands that life has kindly interfered us with. We enjoyed talking about our future while walking along the windy beach, and we especially had a fun time tide-pooling together! Newport Beach has a very nice waterfront bay and we enjoyed shopping and wine tasting and looking at art. There's always something comforting in knowing that we still have at least some common interests! All in all it was a great two days, and I came home rejuvenated and ready to resume my motherly and wifely role. Hopefully that short break will hold me until the next one!

Newport Beach, OR


Our view


Us on the beach

An Upside Down Kingdom?

In my personal devotions this morning, I was reading about the blind man that Jesus healed. I was inspired by a passage by Max Lucado:

Or what about the blind man Jesus and the disciples discovered? The followers thought he was a great theological case study.
"Why do you think he's blind?" one asked.
"He must have sinned."
"No, it's his folks' fault."
"Jesus, what do you think? Why is he blind?"
"He's blind to show what God can do."
The apostles knew what was coming; they had seen this look in Jesus' eyes before. They knew what he was going to do, but they didn't know how he was going to do it. "Lightning? Thunder? A shout? A clap of the hands?" They all watched.
Jesus began to work his mouth a little. The onlookers stared. "What is he doing?" He moved his jaw as if he were chewing on something.
Some of the people began to get restless. Jesus just chewed. His jaw rotated around until he had what he wanted. Spit. Ordinary saliva.
If no one said it, somebody had to be thinking it: "Yuck!"
Jesus spat on the ground, stuck his finger into the puddle, and stirred. Soon it was a mud pie, and he smeared some of the mud across the blind man's eyes.
The same One who'd turned a stick into a scepter and a pebble into a missile now turned saliva and mud into a balm for the blind.
Once again, the mundane became majestic. Once again the dull became divine, the humdrum holy. Once again God's power was seen not through the ability of the instrument, but through its availability.
"Blessed are the meek," Jesus explained. Blessed are the available. Blessed are the conduits, the tunnels, the tools. Deliriously joyful are the ones who believe that if God has used sticks, rocks, and spit to do his will, then he can use us.

(from The Applesauce of Heaven
by Max Lucado)

My mind went straight back to a phrase I heard a long time ago in church. The upside down kingdom. Everything that Jesus ever did was upside down when you think about it. According to the world's standards, anyways. Jesus always used the weak, the hopeless, the ordinary to teach about the Kingdom of God.
I always focus on what I'm good at and how I can be better at it, instead of asking God to show me what I'm not so good at so He can use that for His glory. We all tend to think that if we're good at something, that's what we should focus on, but according to the life of Jesus, that's backward. Jesus teaches about an upside down kingdom and I believe we as Christians must follow that teaching. How are we to be ambassadors of His if we follow the world's standards?

Revamping my home!

My new hobby is my home. Funny, but true. As a military wife, it's hard for me to set up a new home somewhere and really make it feel like it's mine. Those in the military know what I'm talking about! You get somewhere, maybe you rent or buy a house, and then you put some work into trying to make it yours, but then you get orders and you gotta leave and start another one somewhere new. Hard. I think if I had some great pieces that I could put up wherever I go so that it always feels like home, I wouldn't mind moving so much. That being said, I am revamping my home! Yay! I am super excited, and I can't wait to get started. Actually, Nathan and I have already started together. Surprised? I know! Two weeks ago, we sat down together after the kids were in bed and wrote up our Family Mission Statement. I am stoked that we have one now and as soon as I can, I am going to type it up and frame it so I can hang it. It will be something that is always on the wall and I can take wherever we go. Also, I came up with a list of our household habits that I am going to do the same to. That way, we always have something that is lasting for the rest of our military career and life. And the kids will grow up reading it as well and hopefully learn to appreciate it! Along with that, I have decided that I don't have nearly enough pictures hanging as I would like to have. This week I am going to finally buy ink for our printer so that I can print out the thousands of pictures we have stored on the computer that are going to waste not being used.

So I have also decided that I am tired of every piece of furniture looking so worn and old in my house! Okay, I should say I am tired of my dining room table looking worn and I'm so done with the finish on it. So I decided I am going to revamp it along with all six of the dining room chairs. HUGE job!!! I am looking forward to doing it so that I will be happy with it but I am not looking forward to the work that is going to have to be put into doing it. I really want my home to be a place that is comforting, restful on the eye, and just peaceful. I know that in order to achieve these things it's not just about revamping the material items we own, which is why I think the Family Mission Statement is a great idea. Just knowing that I signed a piece of paper like a contract has already changed a lot of the ways I handle situations in my house!

Here's my list of things I would love to have done by the end of the summer: (that's right, summer)!

1. Hang our Family Mission Statement

2. Make curtains for the windows

3. Revamp the dining room table

4. Get pictures hung in our house

So that's it! Hopefully I can accomplish this. I'm not a sewer by any means, but I'm hoping for a sewing machine for mother's day!
I will post before and after pics of everything I do:)

One New Years Resolution

I started 2011 with an almost two year old and a two month old. My son was born in Oct. 2010, and he has been such a little blessing to our family. He is so sweet, and quiet. Big sister absolutely adores him, and I'm fairly confident that they are going to be great friends growing up! A mother always likes to see their children get along, and already I am not witnessing a whole lot of jealousy or resentment toward the baby from her. She is the most precious little girl who is very helpful and very talkative!
This new year, God has been placing a very important matter on my heart. I wasn't going to make any New Years resolutions, but because of Him, I have made just one. It's a matter I feel is top priority no matter what, and that is the importance of family and the connections to those you say you love and care about. I was reading a mother's blog last night about her 20 month old twin daughter that had died in her sleep. (Thanks Jenna)! Needless to say, my heart was broken for this mother, this family, her twin that will have to grow up without her. My daughter is practically two years old, and just the thought of somehow losing her brings me to tears. I know that my children aren't mine, they're God's, but while I have them, they sure feel like they're mine. Something that only a mother knows, is that as a mother, you open your whole heart and lay it out there for your children. Mothers are so vulnerable to heartbreak; they anguish over their families, they hurt when their children hurt, cry when their children cry, laugh when they laugh. A mother feels everything. Growing up, I feel that I had the best mom a girl could ask for. My dad passed away when I was fourteen, and my mom was there for me. She didn't push her kids away in her own grief; she embraced us, loved us, let us talk to her, she talked to us, and I honestly believe she is an angel in disguise here on this earth. She taught me the importance of family.
I was talking to my husband last night; having a late night discussion. We were going back and forth about our dreams that we had to set aside because of the kids. At one point he asked me if I had it to do over, would I? As hard as being a mother is, and as hard as opening my heart so wide, yes, of course I would do it again. Family is about sacrifice. I am sacrificing what I want to do so that my children can have a stable future. My husband is doing the same thing, although he still gets to do fun things in the army! I would never want them even for a minute to think that I regret having them because I don't. I would gladly give my life for theirs if it came down to it.
I am so blessed to have parents that understand the importance of this subject. My step-dad is a hero, although that sounds so cliche. I was fourteen when he came into my life, and he accepted me and the rest of my siblings as his own. He stepped up to the plate and became the father figure that I needed, and that my own dad was not. Being together as a family is important to him, and to me, that says a lot about a person.
Last night, our daughter had a cookie in her hand that she was munching on, and she was trying to get up onto the couch to sit next to my husband. He told her to go into the kitchen to eat her cookie, and so she got down, and walked to the kitchen holding her little head down. My heart of course broke for her because she just wanted to sit by her daddy and eat a cookie! I told him later that some rules can be broken! I guess my point is, you never know what the future holds and some matters aren't as important as keeping the ties and bonds between you and the ones you love. I don't know if today is going to be the last day I have with any of my family. I don't know if my husband is going to get into an accident on his way home from work tonight, or if something is going to happen to one of my precious babies, or if I'm going to get a phone call from one of my family members far away. For that reason, my New Years resolution in the year 2011 and hopefully far beyond, is to take one day at a time to cherish and love my family with my whole heart. Even if waking up every three hours to feed my son is tiring, I want to look into those eyes every chance I have. And even if I do get tired of hearing "mama, mama, mama" when I just want a break from it. I know that I would want to hear those words over and over and over if I knew I couldn't at some point. I can't take back the things I said and did yesterday, but I can make a fresh start today to love and adore my family.

Happy New Year!!!!

Fall Recipes:)

Easy Chicken Noodle Soup

2 Tbs olive oil
1 carrot, chopped
1 stalk celery, chopped
1 onion, chopped
1 bay leaf
salt/pepper to taste
1 lb. (the average weight of 1 package)chicken breast tenders, diced
4 cups chicken stock
egg noodles

Heat olive oil in soup pot over medium heat. Chop carrots, onion, and celery, and add to the pot as you chop. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add bay leaf. When veggies have cooked down, add chicken stock and bring to boil. Add your chicken and cook about three minutes until cooked through. Add as many egg noodles as desired and cook til soft. Serve and enjoy:)

This is a really chunky soup, so add more broth if you like.

CinnaSpin Cookies Courtesy Betty Crocker

1 pouch Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 egg, slightly beaten
1 Tbs ground cinnamon

Glaze

1 cup powdered sugar
2 Tbs milk
1/4 tsp vanilla

Heat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, mix cookie mix and 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon. Stir in butter and egg until soft dough forms.
On piece of waxed paper, shape 1 tablespoon cinnamon into a line about 5 inches long. Using floured fingers, shape 1 tablespoon of dough into a rope 5 inches long. Press one side of dough rope into cinnamon.
On ungreased cookie sheet, coil dough rope tightly, cinnamon side facing center, into cinnamon-roll shape. Press end of rope into roll to seal. Repeat with remaining dough. Place cookies 2 inches apart on cookie sheets.
Bake 7 to 10 minutes or until edges are light golden brown. Cool 1 minute; remove from cookie sheets to cooling rack. Cool completely, about 15 minutes.
In small bowl, mix glaze ingredients until smooth. Drizzle over cookies. ENJOY!!!

These are seriously my husband's favorites and so easy to make! They are really yummy with a steaming mug of hot cocoa as well:)

With Autumn comes Changes!

Fall is undoubtedly my favorite season. Well, after summer that is! I love fall because of the may changes it brings and the warm feeling I get when I look outside the window and see the beautiful reds, yellows, and golds on the trees. So far, Autumn in Oregon has been gorgeous. For the past week, I've woken up to overcast skies, sometimes foggy and wet. But as the day goes on, the sun somehow manages to show itself and the birds come out from their hiding places to sing and fill the air with their melodies. My fall decorations are in place and the house smells of cinnamon, pumpkin, and spices thanks to my candles! Around this time I always want to make good old comfort foods like huge pots of chicken noodle soup and fresh out of the oven pot-pies. Foods that fill me up with warmth. I start making more homemade cookies and sweets. My husband's favorites now are the cinnamon roll cookies I bake during this time. Fall also reminds me of family and with that comes the anticipation of the holiday get-togethers that are right around the corner. I absolutely adore this season!
With fall upon us and the many changes that are happening outside, there are also many changes that are happening for me as well. The baby is due in four weeks and my body is really gearing up! Sleep is a foreign word at this point, and I'm constantly thinking about what it's going to be like raising two children. (My mom raised eight and did an amazing job so I feel like I have big shoes to fill)! My adorable daughter is almost two years old now, and let me just say, she acts like it! Being pregnant and having to keep up with her has proven to be a major challenge. Like the changing colors of the trees, it seems as though I have undergone some subtle changes as well. And not in the good way. Maybe it comes from being tired all the time, but I have really been impatient with everyone lately. The other day, my little girl slapped me in the face because she wanted my attention. My reaction was quite the opposite of how I should have reacted, and I ended up feeling horrible and, after I asked God for forgiveness, I apologized to her over and over. That little episode got me thinking about change. How do I deal with it and is it in a way that glorifies God? She is going through a lot of personality changes; my body is going through changes as well. My temper is shorter; she wants my attention constantly. My body aches everyday and she wants to play, play, play! When she tests me I don't always respond in a way that brings honor to God. The changes (even the subtle ones) can be so overwhelming and yet, they're coming. I can't stop them. Just like the autumn season that is turning everything into beautiful colors, I want the same outcome in my life. Just because things get hardeer to deal with, or I'm lacking my "beauty" sleep, doesn't mean I can't greet the changes in my life with grace. I realize I need to be looking up during the hard times and not concentrate on myself because then I am able to focus on the positive things and not the negative things. I believe God sends change to test our true character and to show Him and ourselves what we're really made of. Do I accept gracefully or do I lash out and do and say things I regret later? Everyday I pray that I can be found to have a character that is not only pleasing to God, but one that others can look up to.
Fall is here, changes are all around us and I'm going to enjoy this season to the fullest!

Happy Fall Everyone!

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

-Maria Robinson

A Masterpiece from God

My husband and I recently moved across the country. Driving from North Carolina to Oregon with our one year old daughter, our dog, my teenage brother, and a U-Haul pulling a trailer was quite the experience. It proved to be very stressful at times, and on certain days I broke down and cried from pure exhaustion. My patience ran thin, my blood got to a boiling point, my character was tested beyond measure. I had to rely on God so many times to pull me through.
Driving through however many states we did, I was amazed at the vast difference each of them held. I imagined the United States as a large canvas and God Himself forming each individual mountain, grass pasture, and canyon. Sometimes there would be wildflowers growing on the side of the road in all their splendor. They were so beautiful and perfect, that my brother would say "we're driving through a Van Gogh painting." In one state massive waterfalls were seen cascading down the sides of rocks and greenery. In another, miles and miles of flat land, as far as the eye could see. It was amazing to me how each individual state was different, yet they all collaborated to form America. Witnessing the beauties of creation, I was humbled at the imagination that God has, and the kindness He has to share it with mankind. However, there were also times when I beheld a more powerful God. In Nebraska, we came upon a ruthless thunderstorm. This thunderstorm wasn't the kind that you wanted to be driving through, especially if you were me. I had never seen bolts of lightening strike down so mercilessly as they did. The rain came down in bucketfuls so hard that I was forced to go about five miles an hour. I have never clutched the steering wheel like I did through that storm, nor have I ever prayed that hard in my life! I had to completely put my trust in the Lord at that time, and give Him the steering wheel while wincing at every strike of lightning that bolted out of the clouds. It also reminded me that in all His kindness and love that He bestows upon me, He is still in charge and in control of everything.
Now that we've been in Oregon for a couple months and things have finally settled down a bit, I still need to be reminded to let Him have control of my life. When things get crazy like they have been, I think about our trip across the country and remember that a God who created all of the beauties of creation and who shows His power through a crazy lightning storm is more than able and willing to keep me in His arms if I just let Him.

A Slice of Humble Pie

Last night I fell asleep pondering what it is to truly be humble. This morning, I woke up with an answer.
God has been leading me to this revelation now for two years, but just in the past few weeks have I been searching my own heart and asking Him to give me a spirit of humility and humbleness. I've always been a stubborn, very prideful girl. My family will testify of that because I always had to be right growing up. It was my way or the highway and so many times I would find myself in trouble because of it. When I was seventeen, my knowledge of the Lord grew, but that only fueled my self-righteous attitude. When I served in Peru, my understanding of the Lord became more clear, and I became humbled but only for a time. Even after my experience there, I came back to the United States with a bigger world view, but eventually my old ways set back in and I went back to a self-righteous state of mind. My relationships suffered, not just with the boys that I dated, but with my family and friends as well. I became a hypocrite in every sense of the word. I used people, deceived people, and all this to make myself look good. To hide from what I really was inside. Then two years ago, everyone close to me found out that I really wasn't all that and a bag of chips. The Lord unveiled who I was, and although it was embarrassing, it still didn't truly bring me to my knees in complete humility. I made things right the best I could, and I was very ashamed and sorry, but God wanted more of me. I still wasn't acting in complete humility to Him. I was humble to everyone I had affected, but I didn't have the slightest idea of what it meant to submit to Him on a daily basis. For the first year and a half of my marriage, I clung to my husband when I should have been clinging to God. Then, he was involved in an accident and almost died and I realized that people can evaporate in a second, and who am I to wholly trust my happiness to someone besides the Lord? It was during that incident that God really revealed to me my flaws, my mistakes, myself. I fell to my knees. I didn't want to put my trust in someone that could so easily slip away anymore. I had no choice but to give everything to Him, including my marriage. He brought me under His subjection, His rule. It's been a daily struggle ever since then to not go back to my self-righteous days of making myself look good. I have to turn to Him every single day for help, and some days I still fail. So last night, I fell asleep pondering all of this, and wondering if I had finally reached a state of true humility in my own life. I drifted off searching my heart and questioning the Lord. Sometime during the night, I received the answer. Maybe it was in a dream that I don't remember, I don't know. All I know is that when I opened my eyes early this morning, this thought came into my mind: Do not be concerned about being humble. Be concerned about letting God change and mold you every second of everyday, because that's where you first begin to learn humility, is on your knees, looking up.
So many of us think that humility is serving others, submitting to others, yielding to others. And while yes, that is humility, true humility is first serving God, submitting to God, and yielding to God. We can get so carried away with self-righteous acts of service that soon that's all they become. Acts. By first humbling ourselves before God, we are admitting that He comes first, He is in control. And we relinquish our sense of power, our pride, our domineering selves.
Now, I can honestly say that I know what it is to be humble; to act in humility. It's a lesson that took me so long to learn, and yet, was so simple.
I write this blog out of complete humility in the hopes that whoever is reading, may learn what I have and maybe won't have to go through the things that I had to in order to learn this valuable lesson. The way of the cross is hard, but the way of self is harder in the end and leads you down a much more dangerous road.

"What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God" -Monica Baldwin

The Adventure I'm Invited to Join

My husband and I just celebrated our two year anniversary, which started me thinking a lot about our love and reasons that I love him and choose to spend my life with him. It's been hard to pin-point exactly what made me choose him over anyone else, but I think I have finally figured it out. Of course there are many reasons I absolutely love my husband. I love that he has a wild side; that he is still such a kid at heart. I love how he can be serious one minute and the next minute have me rolling on the floor laughing. I love that he doesn't have all the answers, but pretends to on a daily basis. I love how compassionate he is and how, under his sometimes hard-to-get-to heart of his, I find that it really is a heart of gold. He is so independent, adventurous, crazy. You can't get to know him and who he is by just having one conversation with him because there are so many sides to him. Although there are so many amazing things that I adore about him, the one thing that made me choose him above anyone else, is that he invited me along for the adventure of a lifetime.
We have started reading the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge together. Although it's a book mostly directed to men, he also writes to the women who are reading as well, and I am surprised at how accurate he is about both men and women. It's a book that not only speaks to me, but also to my husband, who will rarely pick up a book unless it has something to do with war and killing. Go figure. So after dinner last night, we got comfortable on the bed and read the first chapter. And this is where I finally found my answer. Why did I choose him? The answer was in one paragraph. Eldredge writes:
"So many men make the mistake of thinking that the woman is the adventure. But that is where the relationship immediately goes downhill. A woman doesn't want to be the adventure; she wants to be caught up into something greater than herself." (16)
After reading that paragraph, it suddenly dawned on me that that is why I married the man that I married. Of all the men that I have ever known, and the boys that I have dated, he was the one that invited me on an adventure with him. He didn't want to just get married and settle down. He wanted to create an adventure that would last a lifetime. His dreams and aspirations spoke to me and included me, and no one had ever invited me to go along or even shared in my dreams and goals. Although our timeline has changed due to life itself, he still sits me down every so often and asks me what I want to do and if my dreams have changed. We talk about ways to get where we want to be, and keep the dreams alive. It's sometimes harder for me because I am a stay-at-home mom, but he comes to me and talks to me and lets me know that our dreams are tangible and we won't stop pursuing them. He challenges me to do things that I am passionate about even though life does get in the way. He supports me and backs me up one hundred and ten percent when it comes to me reaching my own personal goals. I know that God knew what He was doing when He sent him my way, and although the circumstances at the time we married were a bit crazy, I know that God knew I needed my husband to remind me that as dull as life can sometimes be, there's always an adventure that needs to be sought after and you just can't let life get you down. In so many ways he has shown me God's heart and by inviting me along and joining him in the journey of life, I have opened up my heart more to the even bigger journey that God is calling me to with Him. I am so grateful we have made it two years, but I am more looking forward to the many more years I have to spend with my husband to grow closer to him, learn from him, and together, continue in our adventure that God has called both of us to.

"My lover is mine and I am his..." Song of Songs

Pregnancy insomnia...gotta love it!

Can't sleep...again. Pregnancy insomnia is just about the worst thing in my opinion. Almost halfway to the finish line, and I can't wait to be holding this little guy or girl in my arms. It's amazing how fast you get attached to someone you don't even know or haven't even seen. You dream about what he or she is going to be like, look like, and how their life is going to turn out. You only want what's best for them. I've often wondered how my own mother could love eight kids all with the same amount of love, and now I am learning. A mother's love has no boundaries, no limit. Mothers are beautiful pictures of who God is. They are nurturing, caring, and intuitive. Most would give up their own lives in a second to save their child's.
This is not the only thing on my mind tonight...I kept dreaming about some things that happened in my past, and I know it's Satan just trying to get to me again. I am really trying to leave a lot of stuff behind me, and the more determined I am, it feels like the devil is always more determined to not let me. There always seems to be something new; a phone call from an old friend, a text message, a dream...just something to remind me. I don't like to say that I'm being haunted by my past, but more so, I'm being challenged to not give in to the guilt, and the lies. So many people think that their past defines who they are as a person today, and I honestly don't believe that. I believe that my identity is in Christ and is still being molded from day to day. If I had lived my life the way I am now a few years ago, I would still be the same person, but I probably wouldn't have anxiety or high blood pressure! I believe God brings hardships to us to grow us spiritually, but my decisions alone do not define me as a person. If there is one thing I want my children to grow up believing, it is that.
I'm beginning to realize the importance of having godly influences in my life also. A few years ago, I would have probably told you it didn't matter, but really, it does. I prefer to be around those who are going to encourage me and my family, and who keep me spiritually accountable. This doesn't mean I won't be friends with those who are not, but right now in my life, it's more important that I am around uplifting people. I am in my mid-twenties and I don't know anything about everything, but I do believe that your twenties or at least while you're young should be the time that you establish and know who you are and what you believe as a person. I never want to stop growing spiritually, or think that I know everything right now because I don't. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or ten years from now; if I'm going to turn from God for a season again, or what. I don't want to ever turn from Him again, and I can say right now that I won't. But Peter said the exact thing in the Bible and afterwards he betrayed Jesus. I want to take one day at a time and let God lead me and continue to define me as a person.
The sun is beginning to rise and the birds are chirping and I haven't gotten much sleep tonight. My husband will be awake soon to go to work, and I will have another glorious day at home taking care of my little girl. Somehow, everything is alright now and I'm content with my life. Try to get me Satan...I promise you're not gonna win.

Inspired thoughts from a journal

This morning I was looking for some addresses that I stashed in one of my journals (and now cannot find), and as I was looking through each journal, I came across one that I hadn't read in quite some time. It was one I had written in during the four months I was in Lima, Peru six years ago. So much can change in six years, and so much has changed. It's amazing to me how simple life was back then. I didn't have a husband or a daughter to keep me here in the States and although my family was sad to see me go, it was very easy for me to pack up and leave my small home-town. Living in Peru was the best experience of my life so far. Sure, getting married and having a baby are life-changing and experiences like nothing else, but nothing tops the feeling of complete contentment when you're doing something you love, as well as fulfilling your calling and purpose in life and serving others. I loved how everything was so simple over there. By simple I mean that I had a goal, and I worked toward it and that's it. That was my life. It wasn't simple in an emotional and sometimes spiritual sense in any way. I was pulled and stretched by the Lord so much that I often would retreat to a secluded spot and fall on my knees and cry to Him. Questions poured out from the depths of my heart. Questions that never would have come to my mind in my small town in America. I witnessed things that are now etched into my memory. Lima became a part of me, and in a weird sense, still is. I still remember the faces of the street kids that we ministered to on a daily basis. I remember the smells of the streets, the smiles of strangers, the love that was poured on me by individuals who had never even been shown love by their own families. But what I remember most was the simplicity and the way time didn't really have a purpose. I was free to explore God's heart at a level that, since then, I haven't really been free to do. Life goes by so fast and there's always something to do, somewhere to go, a demand waiting on the other side. So does this now mean that I have no purpose in life? I believe I was born to be a missionary; to give hope to those who have none; to live in solidarity with the less fortunate. I married a man who is "bound" to his country in every sense of the word. I am bound to him. We have a growing family. I can't pack up and leave like I was so able to do when I was 18 years old. But that doesn't mean I no longer have a purpose. I will always be a missionary, and my purpose never has changed. Now I believe that I am to show my children the heart of God and lead them in the way that He has lit. I want them to grow up knowing what it is to have compassion for mankind and using that compassion to bring others to Christ. No matter where I'm at, or what situation I'm in, I'm a light for the Lord. I have a big responsibility to Him; much bigger than I've ever had before.


"If the message of the cross consisted simply in a series of theologically correct propositions about God, human beings, and salvation, then the obligation to preach the gospel could be fulfilled by means of a series of public announcements over the radio. But the Word must always be made flesh, and dwell among men. And the Way has always best been shown by those who can be accompanied by would-be pilgrims. A missionary is above all a Way-shower, whose life must be imitable by his converts. the missionary is not simply a voice box, but a pilgrim who invites others to join him on the narrow way."
-Johnathan J. Bonk, Missions and Money