Soulful Soul Searching

Some things are meant to be understood, but there's some things that aren't. And then there are those things that take time to understand, but if you're patient, they reveal the truth and the whole picture. I guess I am going through a time in which I need to be patient to see the whole picture in order to understand the dynamics of the situation.
In the past week, I've been thinking a lot about myself. Kind of digging deep and really searching my heart. I want to know who I really am on the inside and the kind of person I portray to others. I know who I want to be, and in time I am sure I will reach that. Right now, I am a bit short of that goal. It's been too easy for me to look at my faults and see what's wrong with me. The reality is, it's difficult for me to see the potential I have and focus on that. If there was ever anyone critical of herself, it's me. I don't have enough faith in myself to make the potential part of me actually happen, or I focus on others and see the capacity they have and help them along to reach their full potential when, what I really need to do is focus on my own self.
Some have said that I am too nice or that I let others use me too much or that I don't stand up for myself. All of which are in part, true. I suppose there's a such thing as being "too nice", and I know people do use me (and I let them), and, the truth is, I'm too nice and shy to truly stand up for what I want. So I guess this soul-searching has brought about the age old question: Why am I like this? When did I become someone who no longer believes in herself or the capability that God has put within me? When did I lose sight of who I truly am on the inside?
I often think about the relationships I have with my close friends and family. I know what others and myself say about them, but I can't help but wonder what they say about me. Who do they say I am? Is it who I think I am? Those questions pale in comparison to what I should be asking: Who does God say I am?
I believe He has given me a compassionate, sympathetic heart for a reason other than to let others use it and then trample on it. I know He has made me this way for a purpose, and right now the God-given potential lies dormant somewhere, waiting to be revealed and used properly. I want to be a different person; I want to be a wife that my husband is proud of, and a mother that my children can look up to. I believe the way to reach that, is to unveil my true identity and focus on the God-given gifts that have been hidden away for far too long. And also, to be more assertive. I guess this is going to be quite the journey, but thankfully for me, I have a husband who is by my side to encourage me, and I have children that inspire me to want to be better for them, but mostly I have a God who will never leave me or forsake me. And that's all I need to succeed.
In time, the picture will reveal itself and I will truly understand all of the struggles I had to endure, all the steps that had to be taken in order to get to where I need to be.

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
--Howard Thurman