I woke up at 4 this morning and still haven't fallen back to sleep. I am exhausted, but so many thoughts are going through my mind so what better way to get them out but blog! So here I am with my favorite cup of Moroccan mint tea and my favorite throw on my favorite chair doing my favorite thing-writing:)The bonus is, it's early so the kids aren't awake to interrupt me!
Last night, Nathan and I had what I like to call a spirit-led discussion. It was one of those discussions that just leave you thinking and thinking. Ever since we've been married, both of us have had our ups and downs with God and Christianity. Neither of us were really traveling the straight and narrow when we exchanged vows, and now almost four years later, we're back on the path, but not without a few bumps and twists and turns. It was easy for me to continue a relationship with God where I left off pretty much, but it's been a lot harder for Nathan and for awhile I was even questioning if he was, in fact, saved. It's not my place to say whether he is or isn't or to judge him, but I had so many pent up feelings about whether he was or wasn't. Some fights were based around this topic, and I see how I was in the wrong to even question him. That is between him and God. So last night before bed, the Holy Spirit led us into another discussion about what religion and Christianity really mean. What does it
mean to be a Christian?? I think that's an age old question that comes with differing opinions, views, and theories. Nathan and I both grew up pretty sheltered and in similarly-run households. However, after my dad passed away and I went through a hell of a summer, I met Jesus for the first (real) time. I was 17 and decided to give my heart and everything to Him. Thankfully my mom and step-dad were excellent examples of what being a Christian is, which, I believe is having a relationship with the Lord. (Simply put). Of course that leads to, what does having a relationship with Him look like? Is it going to church every week, reading your Bible everyday, praying continually? While all these things are nice and good, I don't think that's what it is. To me, it's having an on-going relationship with Him whether you do those things or not. To be sure, doing those things will keep the relationship stronger (and keep you fed) and that is so important, but so many times Christians turn these things into good works you do so God will be pleased with you, or sometimes even chores. Being a Christian is having a healthy relationship with your Father, the God who created you to do just that. So what does a "healthy" relationship look like? Imagine your closest friend or parent, or anyone you can go to about anything no matter what it is. For me, that is my mom. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can talk to her about everything-good, bad, and ugly. She is always there for me to support me, give me advice, listen to me, love me, hug me, cry with me, and laugh with me whenever I go to her. I trust her completely because I know she loves me through and through. Our relationship is one that few have with their own mothers (or fathers) but having this, I am able to see how God wants a connection with me just like that. And that, is what Christianity is all about. I think for me it's been easier of a road to get back on because I have that earthly relationship. Nathan struggles, and I have to just be here to support him, but thank God that he is still desiring to have a relationship with Him. Our discussion last night definitely was an eye opener and a reminder to me that even if we fail God, or feel like we can't go to Him because of our past, our sins, our mistakes, He desires above anything else to connect with us beyond church and beyond our own misconceptions of who He really is.
So Nathan and I continue our journey together-often times at different speeds, but I know we're both going the same way and that means the world to me. :D
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