Advent Calendar! It's That Time of the Year!

This year, I decided to make an Advent Calendar! It turned out quite nice I think and I am excited to fill it with goodies and introduce Hallah and Nathaniel to this great tradition:) My family does it every year, and I love that we can pass this tradition on!

Now that it's made, I have finally gotten a list of scriptures, and some great, fun ideas to put in the boxes. A lot of people have been asking what to put in the boxes and so here's a list of scriptures and ideas that I wanted to share:)

Day 1: Isaiah 7:14
Day 2: Isaiah 9:6-7
Day 3: Isaiah 32:1
Day 4: Isaiah 40:30
Day 5: Isaiah 42:6
Day 6: Isaiah 52:7
Day 7: Malachi 3:1
Day 8: Luke 1:67-75
Day 9: Luke 1:26-38

Day 10: Luke 1:39-45
Day 11: Luke 1:46-55
Day 12: Matthew 1:18
Day 13: Matthew 1:19
Day 14: Matthew 1:22-24
Day 15: Luke 2:1-6
Day 16: Luke 2:7
Day 17: Luke 2:8-14
Day 18: Luke 2:15-20
Day 19: Luke 2:21
Day 20: Luke 2:22-32
Day 21: Luke 2:33-35
Day 22: Matthew 2:1-6
Day 23: Matthew 2:7-12
Day 24: 2 Corinthians 9:15 (we're going to have Hallah eventually memorize this one)
Day 25: Matthew 2:13-15

Activities/Crafts:
Make a puzzle wreath, decorate Christmas cookies, make a gingerbread house, family night out with dinner and Christmas shopping, play Christmas charades, bake a birthday cake for Jesus, drive (or walk) around neighborhood to look at Christmas lights, watch a favorite Christmas movie, make homemade hot chocolate, string popcorn, make homemade Christmas cards, give blankets, etc. to a homeless shelter, volunteer in a soup kitchen, visit the elderly in a nursing home, go Christmas caroling, call up a relative you haven't talked to in a long time and wish them Merry Christmas, go see a Christmas movie in the theater, go to a Christmas play/ballet.

Along with some of these ideas, I will be putting some small candies in some of the boxes as well to make it extra special:)

Well there you go!! Hope you enjoyed this blog!

My Bag of Memories

I haven't blogged in too long. I guess there's no particular reason why, except that I haven't had much inspiration lately. However, that changed today as I was digging through my closet getting rid of old clothes. So you could say my closet has given me inspiration! How, you wonder?
Well you see, buried in my closet is a gift bag. I know it sounds strange, but I've had this bag for ten years. Most of the time I forget it's there, and don't even think about it, but it turns up when I'm digging through my closet. Like today. And then, I remember. I remember many things that this particular bag has a way of bringing up. In this bag I keep old letters and pictures from years and years and years ago; some from old friends, and a few from my dad who passed away twelve years ago. I can't help but read them every time, and usually I will sit and cry for an hour while going through everything. But today was different. As I was remembering the past, I couldn't help but think about today. What my life is now and how everyone in my past, whether still in my life or not, God used in some way to put me where I am today.
When I was a little girl, I absolutely loved animals. I was so in love with animals, and had a very soft spot in my heart for them. My dad didn't share the same love that I had with them, and I remember writing him a letter telling him that he was cruel for not letting me keep some abandoned kitten. I didn't understand why he was like that. He wrote a letter back to me that, after fifteen years or so, and me having kids and getting married, I truly understand now, and I appreciate what he was trying to get across to me at that young age. He said that he liked animals, but he loved his fellow human beings more, and so many people, if they see a hurt or abandoned animal, will go out of their way to comfort and feed it, and take it in. But those same people, upon seeing someone who is down on their luck or homeless, will take no thought or action in helping that person. I didn't understand when he wrote that so many years ago, but today, my passion is serving the less fortunate and showing compassion to the underdog and the weak. Little did I think that his words would have such a huge impact on me, and now, although I had some bitterness in my heart toward him, I can see that he was a compassionate man (in his own way)...and he wanted me to share that compassion with others and not just a cute, cuddly kitten.
When I was sixteen, I met and fell in love with a boy. He was my first love, and we wrote so many letters back and forth to each other. I didn't keep them all, but I did keep a few and they are some that are kept in my gift bag. Today, I laughed to myself while reading a couple of them, because at sixteen, you are so young and naive, yet you don't think so. I thought the future was ours. We were talking about getting married after high school, having a family together, and never letting each other go. How different life turns out. I keep a picture of us from our Sadie Hawkins and a couple from our winter formal, and I sigh when I look at them just because if I could stay young and naive like that forever, I would now. I think about Hallah and, even though she is only two years old right now, I want to be able to teach her to guard her heart closely, to live life to the fullest, and if she does fall in love with a boy at sixteen, to realize that years change things and people don't stay the same. I don't regret being young and having a boyfriend, and I look back at that time with happiness. I learned so much from him, but thankfully my mom was always there to keep my head (and heart) on right so I wouldn't get myself in too deep although I sometimes did anyway. I will be able to share my experiences with Hallah when she gets there, and hopefully she will be able to learn from my past.
Fast forward to six years ago. I met another boy and this one broke my heart. The letters I kept to remind me that good does come from bad situations. We were two young adults with differing moral values. On again, off again love-hate relationship I guess you could say. I knew who I was, he didn't. I was so sure about life, and he was so unsure. It was a match not made in heaven for sure. But, I gave him my heart. In the end, it didn't work out, but something else did. If not for him, Nathan would never have called me, and we would have never fallen in love. I wouldn't experience some of the joys that my husband has given me, or some of the mistakes that have made me appreciate life and him so much more. When we have our rough times, I try to remember the days we were talking on the phone and I realized that he was my other half. After getting my heart broken, he was an angel to me. So, I read those letters today and half smiled because I am now living in the bigger picture.
Nope, there were no tears today. My life is what it is, and I am enjoying it. Yeah, marriage gets hard and we have to work at it. Yeah, it still hurts sometimes that I'm not able to talk to my dad and have some closure with him. Sometimes I do want to go back to being young and innocent, but there are more times now, that I stop for a second amidst the screaming baby, my crazy two year old, the obnoxious dogs, and my needy husband, and I think, this is my life now and I really do like it.
People change, time moves on, but I still get to remember some good, some bad, but all the memories that have brought me here to this life that I now live. And I can still smile after it all.

Soulful Soul Searching

Some things are meant to be understood, but there's some things that aren't. And then there are those things that take time to understand, but if you're patient, they reveal the truth and the whole picture. I guess I am going through a time in which I need to be patient to see the whole picture in order to understand the dynamics of the situation.
In the past week, I've been thinking a lot about myself. Kind of digging deep and really searching my heart. I want to know who I really am on the inside and the kind of person I portray to others. I know who I want to be, and in time I am sure I will reach that. Right now, I am a bit short of that goal. It's been too easy for me to look at my faults and see what's wrong with me. The reality is, it's difficult for me to see the potential I have and focus on that. If there was ever anyone critical of herself, it's me. I don't have enough faith in myself to make the potential part of me actually happen, or I focus on others and see the capacity they have and help them along to reach their full potential when, what I really need to do is focus on my own self.
Some have said that I am too nice or that I let others use me too much or that I don't stand up for myself. All of which are in part, true. I suppose there's a such thing as being "too nice", and I know people do use me (and I let them), and, the truth is, I'm too nice and shy to truly stand up for what I want. So I guess this soul-searching has brought about the age old question: Why am I like this? When did I become someone who no longer believes in herself or the capability that God has put within me? When did I lose sight of who I truly am on the inside?
I often think about the relationships I have with my close friends and family. I know what others and myself say about them, but I can't help but wonder what they say about me. Who do they say I am? Is it who I think I am? Those questions pale in comparison to what I should be asking: Who does God say I am?
I believe He has given me a compassionate, sympathetic heart for a reason other than to let others use it and then trample on it. I know He has made me this way for a purpose, and right now the God-given potential lies dormant somewhere, waiting to be revealed and used properly. I want to be a different person; I want to be a wife that my husband is proud of, and a mother that my children can look up to. I believe the way to reach that, is to unveil my true identity and focus on the God-given gifts that have been hidden away for far too long. And also, to be more assertive. I guess this is going to be quite the journey, but thankfully for me, I have a husband who is by my side to encourage me, and I have children that inspire me to want to be better for them, but mostly I have a God who will never leave me or forsake me. And that's all I need to succeed.
In time, the picture will reveal itself and I will truly understand all of the struggles I had to endure, all the steps that had to be taken in order to get to where I need to be.

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
--Howard Thurman

It's a new me...(after 6 months)!

About four months ago, I began feeling a pain in my right side after eating a big or greasy meal. I went to the doctor and he immediately said it was my gallbladder which was what I expected. (I had done research myself). He basically told me that my only option was to have it removed. Well, I wasn't about to resort to having a part of me taken out if I could help it so I decided to switch up my diet. I watched everything I ate and was doing really well until about a month ago when the pain never went away one day. I ate the right foods, I didn't eat too much, but it was still there. So I tried not eating. That didn't work either, so I resorted to living with the pain day to day. I felt like a failure with my children because I never had the energy or strength to take care of them like I should have, and everyday my husband came home to a very angry wife which strained our marriage quite a bit. I began to resent my life and my body, which wasn't what I wanted. For quite some time, I had been suspecting that the pain in my gallbladder had been triggered by the IUD I had gotten about six weeks after Nathaniel was born. I talked to my doctor about it and he said it was highly unlikely but not impossible but that I should wait until after I had it in for six months before deciding to have it removed. About a month after having it in, I also noticed my hair was starting to come out a ton. I knew I had just had a baby and that hair often falls out after, but before I had gotten the IUD it wasn't falling out as much. I talked to my doctor about this also and he said it wasn't from the birth control. I wasn't convinced. I started noticing a lot of strange things that I had never experienced before such as my spinal cord would start aching after standing up for so long, and I began getting a strange tingling numbing sensation in my left shoulder and sometimes it would travel down my back. I started thinking that something is seriously wrong with me. I didn't know what to do, but Nathan and I both agreed that I needed to have the IUD removed. It was getting to the point where I just couldn't function properly without being on a ton of ibuprofen every four hours. I needed my life back!! I finally got it removed and almost immediately afterward, I felt a change. The pain in my back disappeared, the numbing sensation began to leave, and the next day my side didn't hurt at all. No matter what I ate. YAY!!!! Also, my hair has stopped coming out a ton, now it's just normal, and I can function and do things I wasn't able to do the past six months. I am so ecstatic! It's like I have a new lease on life, and I will never again go back to having synthetic hormones placed in my body. Although now there will be a slight larger chance of us getting pregnant. I would rather be pregnant though, then go through what I went through! Anyways, I'm myself again and couldn't be happier. I am still going to watch what I eat now that I know for sure I do have problems with my gallbladder, but at least I won't have to have it removed for now:)

Three years and counting...

Nathan and I celebrated our three year anniversary this past month and we were blessed by his family with a one night get-away to the beach! We are both crazy about the ocean so we were both so excited to get away even if it was for just one night. I wouldn't have wanted to leave Nathaniel more than that anyways:) We really needed a time of reflection and looking back on the past few years without being distracted by kids or phone calls or demands that life has kindly interfered us with. We enjoyed talking about our future while walking along the windy beach, and we especially had a fun time tide-pooling together! Newport Beach has a very nice waterfront bay and we enjoyed shopping and wine tasting and looking at art. There's always something comforting in knowing that we still have at least some common interests! All in all it was a great two days, and I came home rejuvenated and ready to resume my motherly and wifely role. Hopefully that short break will hold me until the next one!

Newport Beach, OR


Our view


Us on the beach

An Upside Down Kingdom?

In my personal devotions this morning, I was reading about the blind man that Jesus healed. I was inspired by a passage by Max Lucado:

Or what about the blind man Jesus and the disciples discovered? The followers thought he was a great theological case study.
"Why do you think he's blind?" one asked.
"He must have sinned."
"No, it's his folks' fault."
"Jesus, what do you think? Why is he blind?"
"He's blind to show what God can do."
The apostles knew what was coming; they had seen this look in Jesus' eyes before. They knew what he was going to do, but they didn't know how he was going to do it. "Lightning? Thunder? A shout? A clap of the hands?" They all watched.
Jesus began to work his mouth a little. The onlookers stared. "What is he doing?" He moved his jaw as if he were chewing on something.
Some of the people began to get restless. Jesus just chewed. His jaw rotated around until he had what he wanted. Spit. Ordinary saliva.
If no one said it, somebody had to be thinking it: "Yuck!"
Jesus spat on the ground, stuck his finger into the puddle, and stirred. Soon it was a mud pie, and he smeared some of the mud across the blind man's eyes.
The same One who'd turned a stick into a scepter and a pebble into a missile now turned saliva and mud into a balm for the blind.
Once again, the mundane became majestic. Once again the dull became divine, the humdrum holy. Once again God's power was seen not through the ability of the instrument, but through its availability.
"Blessed are the meek," Jesus explained. Blessed are the available. Blessed are the conduits, the tunnels, the tools. Deliriously joyful are the ones who believe that if God has used sticks, rocks, and spit to do his will, then he can use us.

(from The Applesauce of Heaven
by Max Lucado)

My mind went straight back to a phrase I heard a long time ago in church. The upside down kingdom. Everything that Jesus ever did was upside down when you think about it. According to the world's standards, anyways. Jesus always used the weak, the hopeless, the ordinary to teach about the Kingdom of God.
I always focus on what I'm good at and how I can be better at it, instead of asking God to show me what I'm not so good at so He can use that for His glory. We all tend to think that if we're good at something, that's what we should focus on, but according to the life of Jesus, that's backward. Jesus teaches about an upside down kingdom and I believe we as Christians must follow that teaching. How are we to be ambassadors of His if we follow the world's standards?

Revamping my home!

My new hobby is my home. Funny, but true. As a military wife, it's hard for me to set up a new home somewhere and really make it feel like it's mine. Those in the military know what I'm talking about! You get somewhere, maybe you rent or buy a house, and then you put some work into trying to make it yours, but then you get orders and you gotta leave and start another one somewhere new. Hard. I think if I had some great pieces that I could put up wherever I go so that it always feels like home, I wouldn't mind moving so much. That being said, I am revamping my home! Yay! I am super excited, and I can't wait to get started. Actually, Nathan and I have already started together. Surprised? I know! Two weeks ago, we sat down together after the kids were in bed and wrote up our Family Mission Statement. I am stoked that we have one now and as soon as I can, I am going to type it up and frame it so I can hang it. It will be something that is always on the wall and I can take wherever we go. Also, I came up with a list of our household habits that I am going to do the same to. That way, we always have something that is lasting for the rest of our military career and life. And the kids will grow up reading it as well and hopefully learn to appreciate it! Along with that, I have decided that I don't have nearly enough pictures hanging as I would like to have. This week I am going to finally buy ink for our printer so that I can print out the thousands of pictures we have stored on the computer that are going to waste not being used.

So I have also decided that I am tired of every piece of furniture looking so worn and old in my house! Okay, I should say I am tired of my dining room table looking worn and I'm so done with the finish on it. So I decided I am going to revamp it along with all six of the dining room chairs. HUGE job!!! I am looking forward to doing it so that I will be happy with it but I am not looking forward to the work that is going to have to be put into doing it. I really want my home to be a place that is comforting, restful on the eye, and just peaceful. I know that in order to achieve these things it's not just about revamping the material items we own, which is why I think the Family Mission Statement is a great idea. Just knowing that I signed a piece of paper like a contract has already changed a lot of the ways I handle situations in my house!

Here's my list of things I would love to have done by the end of the summer: (that's right, summer)!

1. Hang our Family Mission Statement

2. Make curtains for the windows

3. Revamp the dining room table

4. Get pictures hung in our house

So that's it! Hopefully I can accomplish this. I'm not a sewer by any means, but I'm hoping for a sewing machine for mother's day!
I will post before and after pics of everything I do:)

One New Years Resolution

I started 2011 with an almost two year old and a two month old. My son was born in Oct. 2010, and he has been such a little blessing to our family. He is so sweet, and quiet. Big sister absolutely adores him, and I'm fairly confident that they are going to be great friends growing up! A mother always likes to see their children get along, and already I am not witnessing a whole lot of jealousy or resentment toward the baby from her. She is the most precious little girl who is very helpful and very talkative!
This new year, God has been placing a very important matter on my heart. I wasn't going to make any New Years resolutions, but because of Him, I have made just one. It's a matter I feel is top priority no matter what, and that is the importance of family and the connections to those you say you love and care about. I was reading a mother's blog last night about her 20 month old twin daughter that had died in her sleep. (Thanks Jenna)! Needless to say, my heart was broken for this mother, this family, her twin that will have to grow up without her. My daughter is practically two years old, and just the thought of somehow losing her brings me to tears. I know that my children aren't mine, they're God's, but while I have them, they sure feel like they're mine. Something that only a mother knows, is that as a mother, you open your whole heart and lay it out there for your children. Mothers are so vulnerable to heartbreak; they anguish over their families, they hurt when their children hurt, cry when their children cry, laugh when they laugh. A mother feels everything. Growing up, I feel that I had the best mom a girl could ask for. My dad passed away when I was fourteen, and my mom was there for me. She didn't push her kids away in her own grief; she embraced us, loved us, let us talk to her, she talked to us, and I honestly believe she is an angel in disguise here on this earth. She taught me the importance of family.
I was talking to my husband last night; having a late night discussion. We were going back and forth about our dreams that we had to set aside because of the kids. At one point he asked me if I had it to do over, would I? As hard as being a mother is, and as hard as opening my heart so wide, yes, of course I would do it again. Family is about sacrifice. I am sacrificing what I want to do so that my children can have a stable future. My husband is doing the same thing, although he still gets to do fun things in the army! I would never want them even for a minute to think that I regret having them because I don't. I would gladly give my life for theirs if it came down to it.
I am so blessed to have parents that understand the importance of this subject. My step-dad is a hero, although that sounds so cliche. I was fourteen when he came into my life, and he accepted me and the rest of my siblings as his own. He stepped up to the plate and became the father figure that I needed, and that my own dad was not. Being together as a family is important to him, and to me, that says a lot about a person.
Last night, our daughter had a cookie in her hand that she was munching on, and she was trying to get up onto the couch to sit next to my husband. He told her to go into the kitchen to eat her cookie, and so she got down, and walked to the kitchen holding her little head down. My heart of course broke for her because she just wanted to sit by her daddy and eat a cookie! I told him later that some rules can be broken! I guess my point is, you never know what the future holds and some matters aren't as important as keeping the ties and bonds between you and the ones you love. I don't know if today is going to be the last day I have with any of my family. I don't know if my husband is going to get into an accident on his way home from work tonight, or if something is going to happen to one of my precious babies, or if I'm going to get a phone call from one of my family members far away. For that reason, my New Years resolution in the year 2011 and hopefully far beyond, is to take one day at a time to cherish and love my family with my whole heart. Even if waking up every three hours to feed my son is tiring, I want to look into those eyes every chance I have. And even if I do get tired of hearing "mama, mama, mama" when I just want a break from it. I know that I would want to hear those words over and over and over if I knew I couldn't at some point. I can't take back the things I said and did yesterday, but I can make a fresh start today to love and adore my family.

Happy New Year!!!!