One New Years Resolution

I started 2011 with an almost two year old and a two month old. My son was born in Oct. 2010, and he has been such a little blessing to our family. He is so sweet, and quiet. Big sister absolutely adores him, and I'm fairly confident that they are going to be great friends growing up! A mother always likes to see their children get along, and already I am not witnessing a whole lot of jealousy or resentment toward the baby from her. She is the most precious little girl who is very helpful and very talkative!
This new year, God has been placing a very important matter on my heart. I wasn't going to make any New Years resolutions, but because of Him, I have made just one. It's a matter I feel is top priority no matter what, and that is the importance of family and the connections to those you say you love and care about. I was reading a mother's blog last night about her 20 month old twin daughter that had died in her sleep. (Thanks Jenna)! Needless to say, my heart was broken for this mother, this family, her twin that will have to grow up without her. My daughter is practically two years old, and just the thought of somehow losing her brings me to tears. I know that my children aren't mine, they're God's, but while I have them, they sure feel like they're mine. Something that only a mother knows, is that as a mother, you open your whole heart and lay it out there for your children. Mothers are so vulnerable to heartbreak; they anguish over their families, they hurt when their children hurt, cry when their children cry, laugh when they laugh. A mother feels everything. Growing up, I feel that I had the best mom a girl could ask for. My dad passed away when I was fourteen, and my mom was there for me. She didn't push her kids away in her own grief; she embraced us, loved us, let us talk to her, she talked to us, and I honestly believe she is an angel in disguise here on this earth. She taught me the importance of family.
I was talking to my husband last night; having a late night discussion. We were going back and forth about our dreams that we had to set aside because of the kids. At one point he asked me if I had it to do over, would I? As hard as being a mother is, and as hard as opening my heart so wide, yes, of course I would do it again. Family is about sacrifice. I am sacrificing what I want to do so that my children can have a stable future. My husband is doing the same thing, although he still gets to do fun things in the army! I would never want them even for a minute to think that I regret having them because I don't. I would gladly give my life for theirs if it came down to it.
I am so blessed to have parents that understand the importance of this subject. My step-dad is a hero, although that sounds so cliche. I was fourteen when he came into my life, and he accepted me and the rest of my siblings as his own. He stepped up to the plate and became the father figure that I needed, and that my own dad was not. Being together as a family is important to him, and to me, that says a lot about a person.
Last night, our daughter had a cookie in her hand that she was munching on, and she was trying to get up onto the couch to sit next to my husband. He told her to go into the kitchen to eat her cookie, and so she got down, and walked to the kitchen holding her little head down. My heart of course broke for her because she just wanted to sit by her daddy and eat a cookie! I told him later that some rules can be broken! I guess my point is, you never know what the future holds and some matters aren't as important as keeping the ties and bonds between you and the ones you love. I don't know if today is going to be the last day I have with any of my family. I don't know if my husband is going to get into an accident on his way home from work tonight, or if something is going to happen to one of my precious babies, or if I'm going to get a phone call from one of my family members far away. For that reason, my New Years resolution in the year 2011 and hopefully far beyond, is to take one day at a time to cherish and love my family with my whole heart. Even if waking up every three hours to feed my son is tiring, I want to look into those eyes every chance I have. And even if I do get tired of hearing "mama, mama, mama" when I just want a break from it. I know that I would want to hear those words over and over and over if I knew I couldn't at some point. I can't take back the things I said and did yesterday, but I can make a fresh start today to love and adore my family.

Happy New Year!!!!