Pregnancy insomnia...gotta love it!

Can't sleep...again. Pregnancy insomnia is just about the worst thing in my opinion. Almost halfway to the finish line, and I can't wait to be holding this little guy or girl in my arms. It's amazing how fast you get attached to someone you don't even know or haven't even seen. You dream about what he or she is going to be like, look like, and how their life is going to turn out. You only want what's best for them. I've often wondered how my own mother could love eight kids all with the same amount of love, and now I am learning. A mother's love has no boundaries, no limit. Mothers are beautiful pictures of who God is. They are nurturing, caring, and intuitive. Most would give up their own lives in a second to save their child's.
This is not the only thing on my mind tonight...I kept dreaming about some things that happened in my past, and I know it's Satan just trying to get to me again. I am really trying to leave a lot of stuff behind me, and the more determined I am, it feels like the devil is always more determined to not let me. There always seems to be something new; a phone call from an old friend, a text message, a dream...just something to remind me. I don't like to say that I'm being haunted by my past, but more so, I'm being challenged to not give in to the guilt, and the lies. So many people think that their past defines who they are as a person today, and I honestly don't believe that. I believe that my identity is in Christ and is still being molded from day to day. If I had lived my life the way I am now a few years ago, I would still be the same person, but I probably wouldn't have anxiety or high blood pressure! I believe God brings hardships to us to grow us spiritually, but my decisions alone do not define me as a person. If there is one thing I want my children to grow up believing, it is that.
I'm beginning to realize the importance of having godly influences in my life also. A few years ago, I would have probably told you it didn't matter, but really, it does. I prefer to be around those who are going to encourage me and my family, and who keep me spiritually accountable. This doesn't mean I won't be friends with those who are not, but right now in my life, it's more important that I am around uplifting people. I am in my mid-twenties and I don't know anything about everything, but I do believe that your twenties or at least while you're young should be the time that you establish and know who you are and what you believe as a person. I never want to stop growing spiritually, or think that I know everything right now because I don't. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow or ten years from now; if I'm going to turn from God for a season again, or what. I don't want to ever turn from Him again, and I can say right now that I won't. But Peter said the exact thing in the Bible and afterwards he betrayed Jesus. I want to take one day at a time and let God lead me and continue to define me as a person.
The sun is beginning to rise and the birds are chirping and I haven't gotten much sleep tonight. My husband will be awake soon to go to work, and I will have another glorious day at home taking care of my little girl. Somehow, everything is alright now and I'm content with my life. Try to get me Satan...I promise you're not gonna win.